Friends of mine are saying I shoud share my life experience, the good, the bad, the struggle and recovery. The time has come, so the words are coming over abundently, they melt each under in some sort of fusion amalgam and take shape here. I ll give it a try. It makes me happy. 

For some years now, I thought I could never feel joy and hapiness. Cause living without those and plenty of pain, guilty, shame and feeling of emptiness just leads me there. In the grey land of indifference, faaaar away from own feelings.

I just turned 53 the other days. And felt the urge to jot down some of the overwhelming, too heavy load of thoughts and feelings. Yes, this is about the feelings I feel. I m putting them down for my own good. Cause "doing good, does you good"right? I'm a paragraph.